Some days I think, “What is wrong with me? Why can’t I write a simple blog post and stop taking such long breaks in between posts?
Seriously.
What is WRONG with me?”
Well the truth is, because of everything that’s happened to my family over the last eight months, I’m not the same girl I used to be. I’m not the same wife and mother that I once was, either.
I’m different. And I can’t go back to being the “old Sandra” ever again. A part of me is a little sad about that because the “old Sandra” was so much less afraid of what life might throw her way. She was definitely more carefree.
These days, if my world starts feeling crazy or David starts throwing up (like he did this morning), my heart sinks, anxiety starts to creep up on me, and my mind starts racing with thoughts of hospitalization and stressful situations.
Then I pray. And I feel better and trust that the Lord is in control of everything.
I end up not having to call the doctor, and if my problems are related to my children, I steal a few minutes away from most of them so that I can regroup and come back a better mom.
All that to say…
I want to blog. And I’m going to make a concerted effort to write at least four times this week. The reason it’s been so difficult for me lately is that because of what happened to David, my eyes were opened, and I realized that I wasn’t being the wife and mother that I believe the Lord wanted me to be. Before David’s diagnosis, I knew in what order my priorities should’ve been, but in reality, they were all out of order.
I was working way too much online, and I needed a wake up call. While I never would’ve chosen the exact call I received, in the end, it’s made me a far better wife and mother than I’ve been in a long time. For that, I’m thankful. (I’m also very grateful that David continues to do well since his transplant. I’m going to write an update about his progress later this week as well.)
But my point is…
Doing things differently and focusing happily on my family these days takes an incredible amount of time. It’s time that is so worth it, and it’s time well spent. But it means that I have to be much more strategic about how I carve out time to write here on my blog.
I’ve decided that nights will work for now.
I tried early mornings, but after a few successes, I found that the earlier I got out of bed – the earlier my KIDS started to get out of bed. Somehow they just know when Mommy is awake!
So, while I wish I was waking up at 5:00am every day, it’s not going to happen unless I want “friends” up with me.
Most definitely, nights will work for now. π
I had no intention of making this goals post so long…
But I wanted to update you on what’s been going on with me and why I’ve been so sporadic in my writing and how I’m going to change that.
Now, finally, here are my goals for this week:
Family/Mothering Goals:
1. Play outside with the kids at least 3x and get some much needed vitamin D from the sunshine – I don’t leave the house much right now, so I want to make an effort to get outside with the kids (andΒ get some vitamin D in the process π ) instead of simply watching them play from inside.
2. Plan a Family Night
Personal Goals:
3. Juice 1x this week
4.Β Walk on the treadmill for 20 minutes 4x
5.Β Read 20 pages of Balanced: Finding Center as a Work-at-Home Mom by Tricia Goyer β I got sidetracked last week and ended up readingΒ The Starch Solution: Eat the Foods You Love, Regain Your Health, and Lose the Weight for Good by Dr. John McDougall. I loved this book, and we’re starting a new way of eating this week. I feel totally prepared to live a healthier lifestyle after reading Dr. McDougall’s book, but I’m looking forward to getting back to Balanced on my Kindle app this week.
Home Management Goals:
6. Mop the floors
7. Unpack one box sitting in the basement
Business Goals:
8. Get caught up on work
9. Return emails
10. Write 4 blog posts
What are your goals for this week?
I know what you mean about taking more time with your family…I have been doing the same, and my blog is suffering for it. But my kids will only be kids for a short time, so I want to be around them instead of looking at my computer all day.
I’m glad David is doing much better, and we are continuing to pray for him and your whole family. I know that what you’ve just been through has been incredibly difficult, and I can empathize with your anxiety over any little hint at illness…I would be the same way!
Hope you have a Happy Easter!
Hi Erin, thanks for sharing. It’s been a mental struggle to put online work at a lower place in my life than it had been, but ultimately it’s true that my children will only be young once. And they’re growing up fast. I have a 13 year old! π
My kids need me. Your kids need you. If God wills, there will be time later to be a great blogger. Right now, our kids need a mom who is present…not just physically but also mentally.
Thank you so much for continuing to pray for David and our family! I’m pretty sure David is going through withdrawal from the tapering down of the steroid medication. I thought that because his dose was being tapered so slowly that he wouldn’t have the withdrawal issues, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. He had another bad nausea episode today but thankfully, no vomiting this time.
I hope you and your family have a wonderful Easter, too! I can’t believe it’s already April!
I have missed seeing your posts, but I also know that your kids have enjoyed seeing your face! I hope that you enjoy some sunshine this week! We have had such nice days the last few days but snow is suppose to be coming our way now.
I so know that anxiety feeling. A different look to my kids can make my heart stop wondering what we are heading for. Some days I daydream about what it would be like to have healthy kids, but that’s not what God has for our family and we are so blessed with such wonderful kids. Difficult times change us but also reveal just how strong we are, helps us to focus on what is most important and helps us rely on God more. We will continue to pray for your family.
I have finally set up certain hours of the day to blog. It has made quite a difference for my family. Some things don’t get done, but that’s just how it is some days.
I hope working at night works out well for you and you have a productive week.
Oh, Shelly. I know you understand my difficult moments. You are one strong mom and an inspiration to me. Thank you so much for your continued prayers, friend. They mean so much.